Hello. I’m Chuck.

And I’m A Cat Dad.

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Something that my friends of recent vintage know about me is that I’m a cat dad.

Pictures of my furry ones – Venus, Pandora and (RIP) Pointer – are likely to show up in my social media.

And the tales that we share at work when talking about our kids will include what my felines are up to.

My longtime friends might find this funny, if not outright bewildering.

I wouldn’t say I ever hated cats. Rather, I just didn’t know much about them. I still don’t, if you ask them.

They have a subtle way of letting you know.

Our households never had pets beyond the one-day, school-fair goldfish that mysteriously vanished.

I saw my brother get bitten by a dog when we were in elementary school. That fueled a fear of dogs that only eased in middle age. It didn’t help that my mother’s second husband had a yippy miniature Schnauzer, Spunky, that annoyed the $@&! out of us whenever we’d visit.

Spunky swore that it was “just a crazy coincidence.

But cats? Not only did we not live with them, but I can’t recall any of my friends or family living with them.

Then I fell in love with a cat dad.

Actually, Tom was a grieving cat dad when we met.

The latter of his longtime pair of Siamese had passed less than a year before. It wasn’t something we discussed the night we met.

But I’m sure it came up on our first date the following week.

I guess step one in becoming a cat dad is feeling empathy for someone who has lost the ones they loved.

And step two is not being freaked out – or honestly, even noticing – the vast number of cat paintings in their house.

It took us seven years before we welcomed our first felines into our home.

Looking back, that seems like a long time, but really it was about in keeping with the amount of time my brother and his wife dated, married and spent a few years as a young couple before having children.

Cats may not require the daily walking that dogs do. But it still requires logistical work before going off on a two-week, cross-country vacation when there are little mouths to feed and big litter boxes to clean.

Given the traveling we did early on, it was best that our home was just us two. And for most of those years, our home was an apartment.

Probably best that the “cats” there were paintings.

By 1999, Tom was ready to open house and heart to two siblings – the girl’s name was Moo, and that, it stayed. The boy’s name was Ricky, which I hated. But he was gray and white, and I remembered that one of my journalism-school mentors was Dr. Richard Gray. And so, our boy became Dr. Gray (or Doc, for short).

Doc and Moo and Chuck

Moo and Doc quickly settled into our lives, and I got to see a whole different side of Tom: enraptured by our furballs.

I was charmed – by them and him.

That’s when I knew I’d become a cat dad.

Doc passed on in 2010, Moo a year later. For that next year, I was a grieving cat dad. I poured my energy into my new line of work. But something was missing, and I knew it. Even being able to put up a Christmas tree one year (something we couldn’t risk with our little hellions) didn’t lessen the sting.

So, by Thanksgiving 2012, Tom and I found ourselves at area animal shelters. It reminded me a lot of buying our house: lots of looking around, seeing possible fits but not being quite sure before landing on the one on which we fully agreed. Only in this case, it wasn’t one – or even two.

You guessed it: Three Cool Cats

As we sat down at the foster home, Venus leapt into Tom’s lap and then left his for mine. We both laughed and knew who’d eventually come home with us. The tricky part was deciding between the other two we were playing with, a boy and a girl.

We told the foster folks we’d be in touch. On the drive home, I was the one who turned to cat dad and said, “How much more difficult would it be to have three?”

He looked at me, laughed, and said,

“If you really want three, we can do it.”

Tom, All-time good sport, and friend to cats everywhere

So, for the better part of a decade, we were the parents of three rambunctious siblings. Lots of happy times ensued, until Pointer suddenly and painfully left our lives last spring.

It’s been an adjustment – being a grieving cat dad is different when there are still cats in your home and heart that need love and attention. Food bowls need filling, water bowls need emptying and refilling, litter boxes need cleaning.

And in those moments when the grief wells up, it seems Venus is never far away, ready to make dough or bound from room to room and make me laugh or leap atop my office chair, scaring the crap out of me and evoking a yell.

Pandora, for her part, has issues with hairballs and likes to pick fights with her sister.

Whoever said cats are chill are only half-right. Chill when they want to be.

These days, when I see Tom, 18 years older than I, sending Venus and Pandora on a wild goose chase with his laser pointer, or putting on his flannel shirt before wrangling one of them to trim their front nails, I admit a different sort of pain comes up.

If the time comes that one or more of our felines still needs that kind of cat dad, can I step up and be that dad for them?

Three decades of growing into a cat dad give me hope that I can.

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Chuck Small

Journalist-turned-high school counselor. Happily ensconced in Raleigh, N.C., with hubby of 31 years (9 legal).

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LinkCrawford
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LinkCrawford
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March 7, 2023 8:44 am

I won’t decide if cats are better than dogs or vice-versa. They’re both great in their own ways. But I grew up with cats, and am always happy to have them around. They’re so low maintenance (usually) and fairly tidy (again, usually).

Phylum of Alexandria
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March 7, 2023 8:55 am

Cheers to your fur children, Chuck!

I was raised with all sorts of animals (including ducks at one point), but I don’t remember any of the cats that my parents had. I am a dog person, though my own dog seems fairly catlike compared to a lot of other dogs.

I read about study that found that conservative leaning families prefer dogs that are obedient, while liberal-leaning families tend to prefer “independent spirit” in their dogs. This is one area where I guess I’m fairly conservative! Guests at my house will never have to wipe muddy paw prints from their clothes due to a “spirited” greeting from an “independent” dog (you’re welcome!).

I know house cats are not descended from pack animals, and so are less socially-minded than dogs, but I wonder if there are differences of training and temperament that also seem to reflect the personality and priorities of their particular owners.

Virgindog
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March 7, 2023 9:29 am

We have a semi-feral cat we call Loretta, and how we got her is a long story. It maybe worth writing an article about. Hmmmm……

mt58
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March 7, 2023 9:32 am
Reply to  Virgindog

“And so it was on that day the noble Virgindog realized: he would NEVER get to have a day off…”

Aaron3000
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March 7, 2023 9:41 am

Love it! I’ve always been a cat person myself, they seemed to mirror my own introvert personality (happy to go about my own business for the most part, but sociable when I’m in the mood). We have a dog now, cute little mutt who’s intelligent and well-behaved, and I love him to death, but I’ll never forget these girls who were with us for almost 17 years, Moomoo and Oreo:

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dutchg8r
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dutchg8r
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March 7, 2023 10:21 am
Reply to  Aaron3000

I see someone perfected the “I’m not Touching You” routine…

dutchg8r
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March 7, 2023 10:01 am

Chuck’s such a proud and happy girl cat dad. 😉

My parents were cat people my entire life living at home with them, so I always figured myself to be a cat person. They got one guy when I was in kindergarten, when he was already 5, and he and I were inseparable for the next 10 years. He’d always wait with me for the bus, then go off wandering and hunting all day, my mom said she’d never see him all day until within 10 minutes of my arrival home on the bus. He had a particular spot at the end of our front walk where he’d chill, then come out to greet me when I got off the bus. So everyone on the bus knew him all those years, and they even mourned with me when he finally passed when I was 16.

To this day I have never forgiven my mom for not taking him to the vet in his final days when he was suffering – she didn’t like the cat because he wasn’t a lap cat like the other cats we had that didn’t live near as long as he did. (Guess what? Going out to get the paper one morning and finding one of the pet cats dead from an overnight car encounter in front of the driveway is a horribly sobering reality check for a young teenager) We had a cat cemetery up in the woods behind the house, not only did the guy who bought our house when we moved to FL not get weirded out about it, he respected it and took care of the area after we moved out. (Or so he claimed when we stopped back a couple years later)

My parents were partial to Siamese over the years as well. We got a Siamese shortly after moving to FL, she was such a personality. Thankfully not very chatty either. My dad had a habit of laying on his back in front of the TV in evenings after work, and within 10 seconds of him lying down, the cat would suddenly appear and climb up on his chest. And the 2 would just stay like that for hours, it was adorable.

Anyway, I never figured myself to be a dog person. Until MrDutch and I got a Shar pei puppy right after we moved in to our house in 2005. And I was just completely won over. We found her a new home when we moved out of FL, which was hard but I knew she was happy with them. We then got a bulldog a few years after moving back north, and he was even more lovable. It’s been a few years now since he passed (brain tumor) and we’re still not over the loss.

So I guess I can safely say I am both Team Cat and Team Dog now. I’m also the doofus who waves to all the horses and ‘moo-moo cows’ in the fields as I drive around our area. Oh, and I squeal when I see the resident groundhogs that live in the embankment by one of the hotels in town out foraging and wave to them as well. I am not a people person, I’m totally an Animal person. 😆

JJ Live At Leeds
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March 7, 2023 12:55 pm

It’s great to read your journey to becoming a cat person and what they bring to your life.

I’m really torn when it comes to pets. Me and my sister would have loved a cat or dog as kids but my mum refused to even contemplate a cat as she didn’t like them and despite having a dog all through her childhood said no to one on the basis she was the one at home all day and didn’t want to be left having to look after it.

We ended up with a budgie but only cos me, my sister and dad had gone round to my aunts and as we were saying hi to little Gripper, out of the blue my aunt said we could have him if we wanted. 99.9% certain mum would have said no if she’d been there….but as she wasn’t she got a surprise as we came home with Gripper, his cage and everything else that came with him. He was already around 5 when we got him and he lived another 5 years with us.

Proving that we could look after a pet didn’t convince my mum that we deserved a dog. She used the fact we now had one pet to say that we didn’t need another.

Now I’m all grown up I’d still love a cat or dog but we like to do so much and go away for weekends and weeks and have no one local to look after a pet so have decided lifestyle is more of a priority. Maybe when I retire. At least we get to play with family members furballs. My sister ended up with three cats and as they passed away moved onto two dogs. My in laws have always had dogs, their current one is a lunatic Sprocker (Springer / Cocker Spaniel cross) who adores my daughter. They gave her the honour of naming him and as she was big into Disney they find themselves regularly shouting Tramp as he runs away from them – really suits my father in law 😁

Edith G
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March 7, 2023 2:21 pm

I loved this piece Chuck, I’m a cat person too, until last year when I had to decide to put her to sleep, because she became aggressive and was almost a danger to my parents, in fact, she was look alike to your cats. All my life there were cats in the house, but I don’t know when will I’ll have another cat, since mom had said that every time that we lose another pet, it will be more painful.

lovethisconcept
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March 7, 2023 8:37 pm

We have had cats, dogs, horses, ducks, guinea pigs, hamsters, and I am probably forgetting a few. Cats are my favorite, except for THE dog, Pepper, that we had for 14 years and was the best dog ever. After our last cat passed away several years ago, we decided that we were not home enough to bring a new animal into the house. Circumstances change, and in September we got a rescue kitten. Hard to believe she has gotten so much of my heart so quickly.

cappiethedog
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March 7, 2023 9:59 pm

Your cat, Tom, made it to eighteen. You’re a great owner. I finally broke my streak of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels because none of them crossed the thirteen-year-old threshold. I thought I was a good trainer. No. They’re naturally intelligent animals. They trained themselves. I have a goldendoodle and a Pomeranian/Maltese mix. I need to call in a professional. A barking goldendoodle, thankfully, doesn’t scare anybody. People just stand there and smile. I tell them, you know, “Lucky”(a rescue), my Black German Shepherd had the same personality. They look skeptical.

Do you walk your cats? I just ask because I rarely see that in my neck of the woods.

People just let their cats loose, which I’m fine with, because there is an orange cat that roams the walls of my backyard, so I always make sure I keep a bowl of canned tuna fish and water. When the coast is clear, he’ll jump down, realizing after close examination that there is no secret dog hiding in another section of the dog kennel, ready to pounce. Still won’t let me pet him. But he trusts me. Unlike the wild green parrots from the golf course that streaks across the sky. They’ll eat tangerines off my neighbor’s tree. but if you lay out food on the ground, they’ll just ignore it, sensing a plot.

Do cats need to venture outside? I would be afraid of them getting run-over. And that’s really the only reason why I stick to dogs.

Ozmoe
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March 9, 2023 8:39 pm

A wonderful article as always, Chuck! As my sister was allergic to cats, naturally we only had dogs in our house (oh, and a guinea pig that my sister wanted and I hated because it peed on me). I’ve been living without a pet in my life for nearly 25 years now, and I think that’s too long for me to do so. So I’m considering at least fostering a pet this year. If it happens, I’ll tell more about it on here.

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