I was never much of a network TV watcher.
And during the pandemic, I gave it up altogether.
In favor of YouTube.
I find videos about train travel and music theory much more interesting than a sitcom’s weekly hijinks.
I’ve recently become a fan of Jolly.
It’s a creation of two guys named Josh and Ollie (hence, “Jolly”.)
Most of what they do is try unusual foods. It could be take out from a Michelin Star restaurant, or expired Russian army MREs, or Indonesian snack food. I realize that doesn’t sound interesting, but they’re both very funny. Their friendship really comes across. These guys like each other and it’s easy to like them as a viewer.
Ollie is the greater lunatic. He put together a special birthday present for Josh.
That’s right.
He wrote Josh’s autobiography without Josh’s knowledge.
If you watch this video, you need to know that Josh’s last name is Carrott and that while traveling in New Zealand, they found a park with large vegetable statues, including a carrot race car and a anthropomorphic carrot named Muncho.
I’ve started reading the book. It’s a total fantasy sort of based on Josh’s life.
But not really. I’m pretty sure he didn’t grow up with an imaginary carrot on his shoulder guiding him through life.
How does any of this relate to TNOCS? I’m glad you asked.
In his review of Soulja Boy’s “Crank That,” Tom Breihan mentioned that Soulja Boy wrote his own Wikipedia page.
I’m here to suggest that we do the same. But with all the seriousness of Jolly.
We’re a creative bunch. Let’s come up with our origin story for Wikipedia.
I might suggest that mt58 is, in reality, an Oscar winning actor who runs the site as a distraction between roles.
JJ, of course, works for MI-6.
thegue actually is Syrian.
So. As we move into Year Two of our hanging out in our little clubhouse, let’s come up with wacky stories about who we are, and how this site came to be.
The wilder the faux-biographies, the better. Of course.
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Why am I reading this laughing at 4:23 am?
Because I missed out on tnocs over the last few days on vacation – not as much fun as you V, but still…
As for the “autobiographies”, I REALLY want to see what the collective comes up with for highrise…
If you receive this message, please post it to the Wiki. I don’t have much time.
I haven’t had access to this account in maybe a year or so.
The man posting as “Phylum of Alexandria” isn’t just a fraud, he’s A TIME TRAVELING PSYCHOPATH, and he’s been keeping me captive. He’s trying to steal my identity!
My real name is Derek. I was just a normal kid. I lived in Baton Rouge. I went to school, and spent my free time soaking up new music. Then I visit New Orleans for a Xiu Xiu show. One minute I’m walking down the French Quarter, and the next I wake up locked in a cell, likely in the basement.
I’ve seen and heard my captor, and I know who he really is. When I first saw him I thought he was Thomas Jefferson, based on the clothes he was wearing. But no, this was not Thomas Jefferson. He speaks more French than English, for one. For another, he is far more demented a human being.
No, this is the damn Marquis de Sade we’re talking about! You gotta believe me. Somehow figured out how to travel through time, and he steals people’s identities!
I think he can only do small jumps in time. I don’t really know how it works. I only catch small fragments…I really wish my French were better. He only speaks English when he wants me to know something.
But the last identity he stole was from a guy in the late 90s. I think he founded that site, All Music Guide or something. Something something Erlewine.
Sade posted a bunch of reviews in his name. Crazy ones. Told me his greatest acts of cruelty came from the subtlest blades, then showed me his review of Bowie’s Diamond Dogs. This is a sick man!
Anyway, I don’t have much time before he gets back. I don’t know if I’ll ever escape, but I just want to stop this guy! Don’t believe those crap posts about the Gospel of Mark, or Tarot cards or whatever. Total nonsense! And I love Walk on the Moon! That was his greatest act of cruelty for me.
More than anything…he’s eventually going to jump ahead in time again! Anyone could be next. In 20 years or so at least.
omg he’s coming I gotta go. Don’t trust him! This “Phylum” is a fraud and a psycho! A TIME TRAVELING SADISTIC PEVERT!
Make sure you d
……
Edit: Please ignore the message here. It is just a joke. Tee hee. C’est très drôle, non?
Oh fer cryin’ out loud Phylum, way to set the bar at a stratospheric high….. 😂
I wish I was making this up: My wife and I caught covid somewhere in France. We spent the last week recovering at our friends’ house in England while trying to not get them sick, too.
We flew into JFK around 2pm yesterday and are currently stuck here. We were supposed to be home last night but the incoming plane was delayed. Then there was a mechanical problem with the door. The repair crew hasn’t shown up by 11pm so they delayed our flight until this morning. Fortunately, Delta put us up in a hotel overnight, though I’m wearing yesterday’s socks, and yesterday was a long day.
And they just delayed our flight another hour.
My upvote in no way suggests that I like such shitty news. I hope you’re at least feeling better!
VDog, that sucks. Sorry to hear that. Are you at least over the worst of the covid while having to contend with this latest airline saga?
Yes, we both feel OK, we’re just exhausted. One would think we’re international jet setters, hopping across multiple time zones and selling black market diamonds away from prying cameras in the duty free shops of the world. That’s absolutely not true, and the woman behind the perfume counter is not named Carlijn nor does she have anything to do with the Belgian mafia. I totally deny that.
Ah, finally. In our seats and pulling away from the gate. Talk to you when I get back to reality.
If you’re coming back to Tennessee, reality is not doing so well.
Too bad V-Dog, but I hope you both get better and have a safe return to home. Take care.
I don’t follow that blog (or hardly any blogs/podcasts), but somehow I had heard of that story of the guy surprising his friend with an unauthorized biography. Pretty hilarious!
They look like brothers, by the way.
Bill, hope you and your wife arrived home safe and sound.
A good friend of mine retired last year. We set up a Zoom event for people to say farewell remotely, then an IRL event at a cool outdoor pizza and beer kind of place for people willing to brave the fierce winds of COVID.
Anyway for the Zoom event, me and another guy did an impromptu roast for the retiree, but based on entirely fictitious vignettes. The guy retiring is one of the nicest, most wholesome characters you could meet. So naturally I told a story of a crazy drunken bender he went on that ended with him snorting coke off a prostitute’s naked ass and later hospitalization due to extreme intoxication. He took it all in stride — the stories were far too cartoonishly crude to be true — and a good time was had by all.
The person who became Both Grouse seemed to be destined to a life of obscure mediocrity, but a freakish confluence of events sent him down a much different path.
As a youth in lower Appalachia, he fell on with a rough crowd. During a camping trip, he foolishly accepted a “triple-dog dare” – swallowing a mixture of cinnamon, magic mushrooms, and the ingredients of a Tide Pod. Unbeknownst to the group – who panicked at the seemingly fatal outcome of the dare and left young Grouse buried under leaf litter and trash – the barely-alive victim was left in an area of heightened geomagnetic (ley line) activity during a time of several celestial alignments and increased sunspot activity. The damage to his physiology was extensive, but the wider circumstances granted him access to communicate with his microbiome, the population of bacteria, viruses, and fungi that live inside all beings.
The consequence was that he was effectively shaken loose from the typical framework of time and space that humans normally inhabit. His physical body, functioning as a sort of metaphysical anchor, survived only in a state of suspension made possible by the alliance with his endogenous microbes. In short, he was reduced to a few gallons of organic goo enclosed in a cocoon, buried in three feet of clay and protected by a surrounding network of bacteria-generated chemical defenses.
Although he was left in a very uncertain state of being, he strove to retain his humanity. From his tenuous perch between realms, he was able to ascertain that one of the primary factors that binds humanity together is MUSIC. Realizing that he needed assistance from a small group of focused individuals, he sought out the friendliest, most benevolent corner of the internet, eventually discovering a website with an untranslatable name, run by an individual with an equally nonsensical moniker.
Both Grouse’s ability to merge with and access the internet is spotty at best, so he sometimes seems to disappear for extended periods. But he always carries with him the awareness of his friends at TNOCS.com.
Score. A direct hit.
[Standing ovation for BG]
First, I love the Jolly videos! Wonderful seeing their reactions to foods across the world. Their love (and occasional disgust) in what they’re sampling is genuine, fun and often funny.
Second, the bad sitcoms mentioned aren’t complete without another notorious stinker, What a Dummy from 1990, where an average American family interacted with a talking, wisecracking (allegedly) ventriloquist’s dummy. Kaye Ballard was the main “name” in the cast, and she admitted she was doing it only because she needed the regular exposure on TV to remind people she was still alive at the time (she would stay alive nearly 30 more years, by the way).
As for my bio, eh, give me some time. The Easter holiday weekend is coming up and I have at least three dinners with friends and family lined up already. And yes, I know, I’m overdue with submitting my blog post idea here and definitely will do that as well this weekend.
In the town where I was born, lived a man who sailed to sea.
No, wait. That’s not it.
By day, a mild mannered janitor, by night a crime fighting dog.
Or was that a dream I had?
The truth is out there. Where is there though?
I was raised by a malevolent tea drinking temperance society who practiced moderation in all things other than vicious gossip and the use of the back of their hand. At 13 I ran away to join a firm of travelling accountants who practised excess in all things other than decorum and good taste. We sailed the high seas together, traversed valleys and mountain ranges and pitched up in any town that needed a crack (addled) team of number pushers to put the council back on an even keel.
It was a giddy whirl of excitement, we drank, we sang, we danced the nights away and in the mornings they would slam down shots to clear their minds and teach me the beauty of profit and loss and spreadsheets.
It couldn’t last though, the feds were onto us and our fearless leader Big Jimmy McGinn was taken down and given 10 to 14 in the slammer for calculating while under the influence. I struck out on my own, writing a series of best selling autobiographies about my experiences that were then adapted for the screen with yours truly played by Yosemite Sam and my love interest by Barbara Stanwyck.
Sated by success I spent the next 10 years in a hammock somewhere in the tropics with a robot butler tending to my every need. And when I say every need……
Finally raising myself from my paradise I decided I needed some focus and while idly browsing the Internet for chronological number 1 based musical review material came across the good ship that is the number one commenting society. I hadn’t had a feeling like this since the heady days of the accountancy commune. Home at last.
“Calculating Under the Influence”!!!!! 😂
The thing is that Edith G is Becky G’s biological mother, and gave birth to her at no so tender age of 17, almost 18, but since she had relatives in California, it was easier to put her on adoption there.
But mother and daughter always kept in touch, so Edith G is actually the mastermind behind hits like “Mayores” or “Sin Pijama”, and was her idea to pairing Becky with Karol G for “MAMIII”.
Edith G’s full time and busy job is actually a façade, since she uses a pseudonym as a songwriter and the royalties paychecks made her a rich person.
Also, I hear that Edith G is really into reggaeton…
Dutchg8r was your typical shy girlie girl as a preschooler, pink hued tea parties and princess Halloween costumes that were worn throughout the year, imagining every day was a beauty pageant…..
.
.
.
Ugh, I can’t even try and ride out such a ludicrous backstory, it’s too nauseating. I’ve made myself sick now, like I just went all Augustus Gloop on some third-rate chocolate.
Let’s try this again.
A Government experiment wanted to test the theory how much snarkiness people could stand when delivered from the mouth of the most un-assuming waif ever, that would probably lose a cage match with an ill-tempered snail. So far, the experiment has proven that for over nearly 5 decades, as long as people think they are talking to the human equivalent of a paper mache piñata, they’ll laugh at anything the waif decides is funny. Because the dichotomy of ridiculous things being said that makes the speaker giggle like Beavis finding a Hustler magazine, coming from someone who looks like they should be portraying a child in the Ice Capades, is off the chart.
Unfortunately, the government still has not figured out how to best utilize this weapon effectively. So alas, dutchg8r continues to refine her skills on unsuspecting members of the online community, constantly forgetting the fact her stupid, desperate attempts to be funny fall flat in the wild west of the internet when the visual impact IS NOT THERE!
Sigh. Woe is me…