About This Time 30 Years Ago… It’s The Hits Of March-ish 1994!

Hottest Hit On The Planet:

Okay, let’s sort this out.

Let’s put Google onto incognito mode – because I’m terrified to think of what crazy stuff they’ll try to sell me as a result of this rabbit-hole dive – and finally find the definitive answer to that burning question I’m sure you are all not asking at all: just how Nazi were Ace Of Base?

It’s a difficult question to answer with any certainty, but let us try to find the truth anyway. To find the truth, and drag it up into the light, where it belongs.

But where does it belong?

It’s not as though Ace Of Base ever said anything especially racist or fascist in their media appearances at the time. I just watched a bunch of 1993 and 1994 interview clips and the most shocking revelation that I uncovered was that the blonde girl – Linn Bergren – is obsessed with Simply Red.

Linn, however, is not the member of Ace Of Base voted most likely to be a Nazi.

That would be Ulf Ekberg;

This has been known for some time. He’s admitted to it. He says he regrets it. And not only because his pre-Ace Of Base Nazi band – Commit Suiside – was rubbish.

A compilation of Ulf Ekberg’s Commit Suicide nonsense – titled “Uffe Was A Nazi,” probably not the title he would have chosen himself – was released in 1998.

They weren’t the ones about “men in white hoods.” Ulf may have hung out with Nazis but he didn’t write “Rör inte vårt land” (“Don’t Touch Our Country”) I haven’t listened to it, but it’s probably a 1.

But people knew even before 1998. They knew in March 1993.

So they wrote “Happy Nation,” describing it as an “anti-fascist song.” In the short term, the people seemed to be satisfied. In the long term, “Happy Nation” would be used as damning evidence in the Ace Of Base Were Nazis case.

Once you’ve stopped chuckling at the sight of Jonas lip-syncing to a Latin choir, it’s easy to see how. “Happy Nation” is foreboding, yet with a chorus so insistently catchy that it could only have been dispatched by an evil organisation hellbent on mass mind-control. And not for a second does it come across as an anti-fascist song.

But just in case it isn’t obvious why some might read fascist intent into a song like “Happy Nation”, I now need to direct your attention to the definitive article for Ace-Of-Base-Were-Nazis Conspiracy Theorists:

You should probably read it, if you haven’t already, before we go any further. Not necessarily because it is correct – in many critical ways it is not – but just so you understand the logic behind the theory, such as it is.

The main crux of Cracked’s argument is the name, Ace Of Base.

According to the theory, Ace Of Base were named after the Keroman Submarine Base, a giant Nazi naval fortress so impenetrable that it was never destroyed – it’s still there, it’s used as a harbour for yachts – and which was nicknamed “the base of aces.”

And of course, in the Netflix Documentary, “Nazi Mega Weapons.” So it was the sort of fact that a Nazi enthusiast would know.

Likelihood of Ace Of Base being named after a Nazi Mega Weapon? Hmmm, I’d say about 50/50. But there’s so much that the Cracked article gets wrong!!!

That Latin chant at the beginning of “Happy Nation” for example. The Cracked article claims that it has been translated into a threat to kill people. Now, my Latin may be a little rusty – some might say it’s nullus.

Still, the overall vibe of the song – foreboding, oppressively chirpy, dreaming “of perfect man” – does not leave the kind of impression that Ace Of Base were reputedly aiming for; that of a harmless pop group.

Because unlike most harmless pop group, Ace Of Base always seemed to be stridently trying to tell us something.

You could tell by the way they sang like school teachers leading their students in chanting their multiplication tables. But what kind of message were Ace Of Base trying to send?

What is the message of medium-sized-and-weirdly-paranoid-hit “Living In Danger” (“I see lies, in the eyes of a stranger, living in danger”)?

Quite a depressing thought for a pop song. The brunette one – Jenny – has a more puritan understanding of the song. She says it’s about how “people tell us to drink and smoke, but it’s dangerous.”

Personally – and this may simply reflect my new tendency to look for signs in the lines of each and every Ace Of Base song – I think it’s an anti-immigration rant.

And what are we supposed to make of the cover artwork for “The Sign” single? Doesn’t it seem to be trying to transmit some coded message that only those in the know would understand? I am not in the know, so I do not understand, but seriously…

Of all their hits, the meaning of “The Sign” is probably the most obscure. The lyrics are so damningly vague, that the Genius website hasn’t even bothered to hazard a guess what they might mean!

I mean, I guess we are supposed to assume that it’s a defiant break up song. She sees “The Sign” that he’s been cheating and now she left you, taunting you with an “oh, oh, oh.” That’s certainly how Jonas described it in “The Sign: The Home Movie”.

Jenny, on the other hand, says was about going “on the road of life”, “you see signs in your life and that’s why you change direction.” It’s like the actual members of Ace Of Base can’t even agree on what “The Sign” is about! What hope do the rest of us have?!?!?

“Life is demanding without understanding”? If you don’t understand someone – like a foreigner for example – then life is demanding. Ergo, to make life less demanding, get rid of the foreigners.

“No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong, but where do you belong?” Not in Sweden, one assumes. Honestly, that line could mean anything, it’s so weird.

So, ultimately, do I think Ace Of Base were Nazis? Honestly, I’m still not sure.

But hey, now that people are always talking about their neo-Nazi past, at least no-one is asking them about ABBA anymore. That must be a relief!

“The Sign” is a 7.

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Meanwhile, in Gangsta Rap Land:

It is my aspiration to be Snoop Doggy Dogg.

Somehow, someway, he just comes up with funky ass shit like EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

Or at least he did in 1993 and 1994. That day in 2010 when he came up with his rap for “California Gurls?” He skipped coming up with funky ass shit that day.

That Snoop was able to come up with funky ass shit like EVERY SINGLE DAY is even more impressive given that he was a member of the Long Beach Crips. There’s so much drama in the LBC!!

LBC might also stand for Long Beach-Compton.

The first sounds we hear on “Gin & Juice” are the bubbles of a bong, begging the question: has any era of pop music reeked of so much weed smoke as the early-mid 90s?

The combined tetrahydrocannabinol content of an ounce plus a fat-ass j of some bubonic chronic that made Snoop choke, means that there’s probably more weed being smoked in “Gin & Juice” than gin being drunk – and there’s a lot of gin being drunk, not just Seagram but Tanqueray as well – but it didn’t make the title.

Even more on-brand for Snoop is his investment fund Casa Verde Capital. Described in its LinkedIn Page as “the leading venture capital firm focusing exclusively on the cannabis industry.”

At Snoop’s own LinkedIn page – yes, Snoop Dogg has his own LinkedIn page….

He suggests that “companies operating in the cannabis space may be able to benefit from his expertise and connections.”

Ya think? Snoop does after all, sell his own cannabis brand: Leafs By Snoop. Oh, and you can purchase Snoop designed canine fashion at Snoop Doggie Doggs.

I think we can fairly say that Snoop has his mind on his money and his money on his mind.

“Gin & Juice” is a 9.

*Some have suggested that Snoop’s reference to Seagram’s was due to Seagram’s owning Interscope Records, but that acquisition didn’t occur until 1996. Maybe the causation went the other way. Also it’s unlikely that Seagram’s would have directed Snoop to advertise their gin and then allow him to also advertise their competition Tanqueray – owned by Diageo – in the next verse.

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Meanwhile in Rap-Queens Land:

Cheryl James – that’s Salt to you – and Sandra Denton – you may know her as Pepa – really want you to know what their idea of an ideal man is.

They’d already given us a few hints in “Shoop” – Salt likes them “packed” and “stacked” “especially in the back”, she likes “in the three piece suit”, particularly if that suit includes “big jeans”, which give Salt “nice dreams” and makes her “wanna scream”

On ‘Whatta Man” they get very specific. Curiously, most of it was written by Hurby “Luv Bug” Azor, aka that guy on “Push It” who informs you that “this song isn’t for everyone… only the sexy people”, which always felt a little exclusionist to me.

Luv Bug’s standards have not dropped.

Pep’s man is smooth like Barry, presumedly Barry White. His voice got bass. Like Barry White.  He’s got a body like Arnold. With a Denzel face. These are some pretty high standards. Not only is he smart like a doctor, but a doctor with a real good rep! Pep’s man is so good, he’s not even trying to be a pimp! I could go on, but it’s all a bit intimidating. Does a guy like this actually exist?

Salt’s man is so good that she doesn’t even care if he creeps around, as long as he does it on the down low. Salt’s man is highly proficient at creepin’ on the down low. Salt appreciates that. Salt also appreciates the fact that he gives real lovin’, spends quality time with his kids – because he’s secure in his manhood – and because his Mama taught him to respect women… presumedly by doing his creepin’ on the down low.

Spinderella’s man might be the best of all.

On the other hand she got to be called Spinderella – an easy name to remember, which may be why her man knows that her name is not Susan – instead of being named after a condiment!

It took a while, but I have finally come to accept that I will never date either Salt or Pepa. Or, even more sadly, Spinderella. Their standards are simply too high.

Salt-n-Pepa were virtually a legacy act at this point.

Most of those stars had already tumbled down the dumper. Hammer was heading for bankruptcy. Gangsta rap was in ascendant. Yet Salt-n-Pepa were still there, having the biggest hits of their career. Sure, they would also be their last major hits, but still… these were hits so hot that En Vogue, almost certainly the hottest R&B group around – TLC were still several months away from dropping “CrazySexyCool” – were cool with playing second fiddle!

And for that, we’ve got to give them RESPECT!

“Whatta Man” is a 9.

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Meanwhile, in Kooky Piano Genius Land:

Tori Amos never was a “Cornflake Girl.” Technically at least, this was true. Although she was in a 1985 TV commercial for Kellogg’s Just Right:

When you write a song like “Cornflake Girl” people are going to ask questions. Such as: what the hell are you going on about?

So Tori spent a large chunk of 1994 trying to explain just that. What was “Cornflake Girl” going on about? What is a “Cornflake Girl”? What is the difference between a “Cornflake Girl” and a “Raisin Girl?”

Here’s Tori:

“Cornflake girls are prudish, unconformistic and obedient to authority, whereas raisin girls are original, willful and sexual. A cornflake girl is wonderbread, whereas a raisin girl is wholewheat bread. In an American perspective the cornflake girl comes from a redneck-family from the midwest and the raisin girl would be the product of a multi-racial circle of friends from the big city.”

Cornflake Girl Tori Amos

Tori, needless to say, identifies as a raisin girl.

Anyway, the cornflake girls and the raisin girls are stabbing each other in the back. “Cornflake Girl” is about “the betrayal of women, by women.” “Cornflake Girl” is the encapsulation of Tori’s frustration with those women – many of whom identified as feminists – who were constantly chastising her for things like straddling the piano stool in an unladylike pose.

As for the rabbit? Turns out it’s not just another Alice In Wonderland reference – Alice in Wonderland being the pop culture reference of choice for kooky-girl pop…

So for all the girls who dreamt of being Tori, just know that Tori dreamt of being a Deadhead living in the woods of Northern California.

But why wouldn’t you want to be Tori Amos?

The way Tori plays solo on top of solo over the top of “Cornflake Girl”… gasp… she was the ultimate piano hero!

“Cornflake Girl” is a 10.

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Meanwhile in Brit-Pop Land:

Britpop. I’ve hot-taken about it before. And I stand by my hot-take.

Here’s my hot-take, based on my reply to a feature on Blur’s “Parklife” album in a Number Ones column for… um… R Kelly’s “Bump’n’Grind.”

“So I’m watching This Is Pop right, the Brit Pop episode? And it’s all about how Blur invented Brit Pop because they did this tour of the States – landing in America the day that Nevermind came out – and they don’t get the response to which they have become accustomed at home. So they suddenly become all defensive and patriotic and talking about British identity and then Alex James says – and this is a direct quote – “it just made us realize that British culture has been completely marginalized.”

Are you havin’ a laff Alex? British culture… marginalized?

In the year that fellow indie-ish band EMF have a Billboard Hot 100 Number One?

Do you know who was Number One on Modern Rock Tracks the week that “Nevermind” came out? Robyn Hitchcock. An Englishman.

And the Number One before it? The Psychedelic Furs.

You know who was Number One on Modern Rock Tracks for most of April and May 1994? Morrissey!!

Marginalized? The UK?!?! What about… literally every other country on Earth?

A couple of generations ago Britain had the World’s All-Time Biggest Empire! One generation ago, you had The Beatles! The members of Blur spent their entire lives living in the world’s second biggest pop-super-power! The equivalent to the Soviet Union in the Cold War of Pop!! And you think you’re MARGINALIZED?!?!

I think what I’m saying is that BritPop was basically Brexit: The Musical. Damon has said he felt “partially responsible” for Brexit, but that wasn’t because he encouraged a generation of Brits to dress in Union Jacks on “Parklife.” It’s because he didn’t tell everyone his hot take on it.”

Did I go too far with the Brexit comparison? Possibly.

None of this is to besmirch the music in any way, much of which – including much of Blur – was amongst the most addictive and obsession inducing music of the decade. It was music that made people with no known family connections with the UK dream of being British! I’m not referring to myself – my father came from Suffolk – but I’ve seen it happen!

And it all started with “Girls And Boys.”

This time a holiday, not in Greece, as the song lyrics might make you think, but in Spain. On holiday with Justine from Elastica. Where they were surrounded by crowds of British tourists being drunken twats.

Which means that the song that kickstarted a wave of some of the most patriotic British music of all time, was written as a critique of the British behaving badly overseas, an impression that their Oasis nemesisses would put a lot of effort into reinforcing.

Damon specifically had an issue with “all these blokes and all these girls meeting at the watering hole and then just copulating. There’s no morality involved. I’m not saying it should or shouldn’t happen.” He is though. Clearly, he is. “Always should be someone you really loooovvveeeee”? Clearly he thinks that it shouldn’t happen.

It also means that “Girls & Boys” is far more puritan than its Duran Duran disco production – and it’s spectacular disco-decadent Pet Shop Boys remix – may have made you think.

It also suggests that “girls who are boys who like boys to be girls” is not, after all, a celebration of gender fluidity.

But hey, authorial intent be damned! That’s what it is… and that’s why ten years later The Killers sorta-quoted it in “Somebody Told Me.”

I guess then “nothing is wasted, only reproduced” is not a reference to “Every Sperm Is Sacred” after all.

“Girls & Boys” is a 9.

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Meanwhile in Things That Make You Go Mmm Land:

“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” by Crash Test Dummies: the song about teenage kids being ridiculed that itself became ridiculed. How meta!

• “You call THAT a chorus?!?” people would say, before giving “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” a wedgie.
• “That’s not singing! That’s just humming!” they would continue, as they flushed its head down the toilet.
• “Stupid ass song”, they would conclude, as they stuck a “KICK ME” sign to its back.

“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” was like a character in its own song!

To be fair, it does take a certain sort of courage to give a wedgie to a guy with a voice as deep as Brad Roberts. Because nobody – and I mean NOBODY – has ever hummed like Brad Roberts. Not even Barry White, probably, previously the title holder for the dictionary definition of baritone.

“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” is the dictionary definition of an alternative rock novelty song, of which the mid-90s had a plentiful supply. “Three Little Pigs” by Green Jelly. “Detachable Penis” by King Missile. “Push Th’ Little Daisies” by Ween probably wasn’t supposed to be a novelty song. But outside of the Cult Of Ween, that’s pretty much what it was. It’s probably unfair to include Blind Melon’s “No Rain” purely because of the bee-girl but it feels right.

“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” had everything you could possibly want in a 90s alternative novelty song. Or even in a serious 90s alternative ballad. It was about misunderstood kids. It was about how these freaks and geeks were just like you and me. It was basically Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” performed as a stand-up comedy routine.

I say a stand-up comedy routine, because the kids’ misfortunes – particularly when performed as part of a school recital – are quaintly humorous.

There’s this kid, whose hair has turned from black into bright white due to being a horrific car accident. Apparently this is something that can actually happen.

Sadly, under the “In Popular Culture” section, there is no mention of “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.” Can anyone reading this with Wikipedia editing credentials please rectify this?

There’s also a girl with weird birth marks, a far more common source of mockery. But whether you have weird birth marks or are a kid with bright white hair, please find some comfort in the fact that there’s always someone worse off than you. Things could always be worse. You could, for example, belong to some weird Pentecostal cult, that your parents force you to be part of.

Part of the reason why “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” was much mocked was the freaky depths of Brad’s below-Barry bass and the exaggerated gravitas it gives to everything he says.

“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” sounded so serious it was impossible to take seriously. It was so solemn that it became a novelty song. Which was exactly the sort of irony that Gen X was becoming famous for.

It’s not as though Brad isn’t in on the joke though. Just look at his fourth-wall breaking eyebrow raise during the 3^rd “chorus.” He knows how ridiculous he’s sounding.

I’d love to report that Brad’s freak baritone was the result of his own freak accident. But Brad was himself in a car accident when he was a child – and would be in another whilst stoned as an adult – his voice did not drop infinite octaves as a result. Some people just have freakishly deep voices.

I have previously been on record for giving “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” a 9, but I think I was partially trolling. It’s an 8.

What a crazy time to have been alive!

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