Regular readers of this site and Stereogum’s The Number Ones series might know that I keep a spreadsheet.
- It contains data about the songs…
- Author Tom Briehan’s ratings…
And the results of my weekly poll.
The spreadsheet keeps track of other stuff, too…
Like any time someone comes up with a good potential band name.
I’ve been keeping a similar list on my phone for years.
Some people here in Nashville know about it and will hit me up when they’re putting a new act together.
I’ll then take that name off my list, because it’s theirs now.
In the spirit of Pauly Steyreen’s recent awesome tnocs.com bracket poll of songs from the 2010s, mt58 and I thought it would be fun to name the imaginary band we’re all members of.
Pick an instrument, and you’re in the band. (Dibs on bass!)
And those instrument requests? They’re barreling in as we speak…
We’re tuned up – and ready!“
So: below are the best 64 names from both the spreadsheet and my phone.
Keep in mind this is just for fun and not nearly as life-and-death-important as picking the best song of the 2010s.
Which is “American Idiot.” Clearly.
Ahem. Anyway, vote below and come back next week for the… wait, let me count this out, finals, semi-finals, quarter-finals… come back next week for the thirty-second finals!
If you’re reading this: voting is open NOW!
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This voting round ends: This coming THURSDAY at 11:59PM – US EST (3:59AM Friday GMT.)
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That was super-fun! I didn’t puzzle them out — just picked whatever tickled me first. (Which is how I wound up *not* voting for the one most obvious for me!) Have a great weekend, everyone!
Can I get an “I Voted!” sticker?
Yes, with one caveat:
You have to tell us what your favorite band name is in this round.
I loved the idea of “Impossible…” being the beginning adjective, but sausage carries connotations that I didn’t want to name my band.
I pull for Toucan Cher. I don’t know why that one just made me guffaw.
Or at least chortle.
Links Guffaw, playing tonight with Harry’s Cackle
“IF I COULD EAT FROOT LOO-OOPS…”
“Impossible Chortle,” perhaps?
This is so great! I want to join at least half of these bands
Like Chuck, I didn’t overthink it. Voted on gut instinct. The only one that did make me pause was Functional Meth Addicts vs Clang Thwack.
I’m pretty sure FMA are an ageing punk band someway past their prime. While Clang Thwack make godawful industrial noise scapes. They have an audience of a select pretentious few who would rather suffer burst eardrums than admit that they’re listening to the bastard lovechild of a dentist’s drill and a sledgehammer.
OK, so maybe I am overthinking it now.
JJ, you opened the door…
Exuberant Scamp: founded by three Rhode Island School of Design dropouts; mix of Talking Heads-like funk with straight power pop riffs.
Canadian Sinning: Inspired by Wilson-Phillips, children of both Gordon Lightfoot and Leonard Cohen form a dub-step band with navel-gazing lyrics.
Bodega Sushi: Coldplay cover band. Will soon appear at a small venue near you.
Schmear: Orthodox rapper from Scranton. Second album, Loose Shekels, goes platinum. Opens for Greta Van Fleet on their Sub-Saharan tour.
The Gerkins: folkies from the Inland Empire. Once hailed as the next Weavers, infighting, artistic differences, and label interference makes them the next Imagine Dragons instead.
Can I be in the band? I play a mean triangle.
Sure! Triangle will come in very helpful in my next Theoretically Speaking installment.
I guess it’s too late, but “I Keep a Spreadsheet” sounds like a pretty badass name to me.
Math rock, naturally!
Added!
A) This is so awesome!!
B) As we get into the later rounds, we should offer our guesses about the genre of these fictional bands…
Full appreciation for keeping up with all of these. Do you have an opening in the band for a washboard?
Absolutely, and washboard will also appear in the next Theoretically Speaking.
Can’t wait.
Keep in mind this is just for fun and not nearly as life-and-death-important as picking the best song of the 2010s.
Which is “American Idiot.” Clearly.
I’m not as old as I think I am!
Bodega Sushi is great.
Also, I wish The Paul Anka Elementary School Ocarina Ensemble was a real band.
I’m from his hometown of Ottawa, and if anywhere in the world was going to have a Paul Anka Elementary School — let alone an ocarina ensemble — it would be here. There’s a freakin’ semi-arterial road named after him. Just build a school, and I’ll provide the ocarinas.
Lead Ocarina-er:
BTW I also get bass… who doesn’t want a double dose of bass in their band???
We could be like Leenalchi!
Always appreciate a Leenalchi reference. Of which this might be the only one in my lifetime. So very much appreciated.
Bill, are you at liberty to share which band names have been taken by actual bands? That’s something I’d love to know!!!
Pussycat Doghouse, The Two For Ones, and The Furious Yen come to mind. Mostly people ask what the latest names are. Someone was going to take Cash Monkey but they broke up before they started so it’s on the list here.
This was actually more difficult for me to make some decisions than when I did the top songs of the 2000s survey. Which I think says more about me than anything else involved here ….
The Chucklefucks are destined to release a novelty Christmas single about how much of a rude word the latest Prime Minister is, any second now
It’ll be a collab with Blobby
You can pick using your gut or your head, but I chose from THE HEART. Totally forgot that a family mondegreen made it into the selections.
Next level voting: which bands will have the most top 40 hits?